What we can say, with some confidence, is that there are many ways to respond that ought to be avoided at all costs. They have no value other than to make the situation worse, but they are all too common in real life.
What this article will attempt to do is reveal seven such responses that serve no purpose whatsoever, so that you may identify them when they are about to happen and stop them in their tracks.
1. Responding With Anger
You’ve just suffered a body blow after receiving criticism from a person whose opinion matters to you. You feel your skin heat up as blood flushes through your system while resentment and anger rise up from within, culminating in an outburst of irritation and even rage.
This outpouring of anger may or may not be directed at your critic, but the result is still likely to be detrimental to you. If you demonstrate anger back towards your critic, you will only serve to antagonize them, potentially leading to further escalation. It will damage your relationship and make being in each other’s company difficult.
If you manage to hold your anger in until you have distanced yourself from the person who criticized you, it still doesn’t mean you are free from the consequences. You may make rash decisions that you later regret, you may cause hurt towards others (what psychologists call displacement), and you may act in such a way as to get yourself into trouble.
2. Retribution
You have been hurt and all you can think about is the injustice you’ve just been on the end of. You didn’t deserve it and now it’s time to make them pay.
So you plot and scheme to get your own back on your critic by causing them hurt in return.
But what does this really achieve? You may well be able to inflict pain on them, but will this change anything? Will you feel better because of it?
The answer is almost certainly no. Retribution is a defensive reaction that rarely ever holds much value as a response; on the contrary, it will be more likely to lead to further emotional trauma for you in the future.
No, retribution is not the way to respond to criticism.
3. Blaming Others
Someone is holding you to account, but you insist it has nothing to do with you. Instead, you shift the blame to someone else – anyone else. You make excuses for why you do not deserve to be criticized and deflect any responsibility away from yourself.
After all, nobody can be rightfully critical of you when the blame lay elsewhere, right? Well, you may think so, but this is only a realistic outcome if you actually have been falsely accused. And even if this is the case, blaming others is not the correct response. Instead, you simply need to explain why the fault does not lie with you without pointing the finger elsewhere.
But, more likely, you will have some level of responsibility and so the criticism will be accurate, even if not always necessary. Trying to wriggle your way out by putting others in the frame gets you nowhere.
No, blaming others is not the way to respond to criticism.