We live in a world where people aren’t always nice to one another. Where people use unkind and unloving words to talk to, and about, each other. And because I believe that there is always a better way to deal with negativity, and with those people who spread out these negative vibes, I decided to write this blog post on How to No Longer Take Things Personally and live in peace and harmony.
1. It’s not about you, it’s about them.
“But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said. You are hurting yourself. There is no way I can take this personally.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz
Most people are very unconscious of their own unconsciousness, projecting their own darkness, their own pain and internal struggles onto those around them. Failing to realize that what’s on the outside isn’t the problem, but rather what’s on the inside. And that most of the things people say and do, have little, or nothing, to do with the people they are “describing”, but a lot to do with who they themselves are, and the internal struggles they are facing.
The words that come out of a person’s mouth, their actions and behaviors reveal the many things that are hidden deep within a person’s heart. Their words don’t describe the people they are “attacking”, nor do they reveal who others are. But rather they reveal the pain, the suffering, the darkness and the many wounds that are present within them. They reveal the pain that’s present in their hearts. And that is why is so important not to take things personally, and to always remember that it’s not about you, it’s about them.
2. Don’t give it too much attention.
Thoughts have power, creative power. And since there are no idle thoughts ( for every thought you think creates a belief, belief that you will later on craft your reality on), it’s very important for you not to dwell upon the negativity that comes out of people’s mouths. It’s very important for you not to give too much attention to the negative things people say or do. For these things have the power to poison your heart, your mind, your body and your life.
“People tend to be generous when sharing their nonsense, fear, and ignorance. And while they seem quite eager to feed you their negativity, please remember that sometimes the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one. Be cautious with what you feed your mind and soul. Fuel yourself with positivity and let that fuel propel you into positive action.” ~ Steve Maraboli
3. Just be yourself.
Bernard Baruch said it best with these words: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Always do the things you feel in your heart that you are meant to do, and don’t give too much thought about what others might have to say about you. Never make other people’s opinions of you more important than your own opinion of yourself. Keep in mind that your job here on this Earth is to be true to yourself. To honor your heart and Soul, and to walk on the path life needs you to walk upon, not on the many paths other people might think you should walk upon. If certain people don’t agree with the way you live your life, that’s their problem, not yours.
4. What other people think of you is none of your business.
In The Tao Te Ching (500BC), a work many consider the wisest book ever written, there is a great line that goes like this: “Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.” And the truth of the matter is that once you care about what others think of you, and once you start chasing after their validation and approval, taking everything other people say and do personally, you immediately become their prisoner and their slave… Don’t allow them to put you in that position. Remind yourself constantly that what people think or say about you, is none of your business. And that their negativity has little or nothing to do with you, but a lot to do with who they themselves are.
5. It’s not worth your time and energy.
It’s incredible how much we care about what other people think of us. And how much time and energy we are willing to waste trying to understand why certain people don’t like us. And why they choose to talk and behave to us, and about us, in ways that aren’t always friendly and loving. Instead of focusing on those who love and cherish us, and instead of feeding our hearts and souls with the love and kindness we receive from these people, we choose to dwell upon the negativity of those who don’t like us. Failing to realize that by doing so, not only we are wasting our precious time and energy, but we are also poisoning our minds, bodies and souls, which by the way, it’s just not worth it.
6. People give what they have in their hearts to give.
I really believe that we are all born with this innate need to give. To offer to those around us that which we have in our hearts to offer. Those people who are at peace and whose hearts are filled with love, kindness and compassion, give love to everyone they come in contact with. They give joy, laughter, peace and happiness. While those people who are in distress, and whose hearts are wounded because of the many challenges, trials and painful experiences they have gone through, they give fear, pain and a lot of negativity. Because that’s what they have to offer at the moment… People give that which they have in their hearts to give, nothing less and nothing more.
With that being said,“Can anyone be justified in responding with anger to a brother’s plea for help? No response can be appropriate except the willingness to give it to him, for this and only this is what he is asking for. Offer him anything else, and you are assuming the right to attack his reality by interpreting it as you see fit. Perhaps the danger of this to your own mind is not yet fully apparent. If you believe that an appeal for help is something else you will react to something else. Your response will therefore be inappropriate to reality as it is, but not to your perception of it.” ~ ACIM